I've considered popping "Sixteen Candles" into my DVD player for the second (or third?) time this month. Ah, to be consoled by the antics of Farmer Ted, John Cusack, and the hot guy Sam likes who looks like he's already graduated college. Jake, right?

Now, I'm not sure how much in detail I should get because I hate being judged. But in my state of being right now, I'm kind of a loner. I just don't do much of anything with my friends because I can't get a hold of 'em or I'm just lazy.

There's a boy. Yeahh, I know. I'm starting to try to get over a crush that ended devistatingly (is that a word?). I cannot stand to look at his facebook updates because they're all about him and his girlfriend, all the sickening stuff. But this guy that I met really likes me. I don't get it. Really.

He said I'm attractive (hot and sexy were the terms he used, but that is mindboggling AND mindbottling at the same time and I will only accept that I'm cute, so ha) and a very nice person. Okay, well, thanks. He's actually quite the catch and when I started talking to him I never thought he would actually be interested in me in such a way.

I don't know where I'm going with this blog, other than life stinks sometimes. To quote Forgetting Sarah Marshall, "When life gives you lemons, f*** the lemons!" Maybe my pity party needs to be deemed over; its now 4AM and everyone's parents are driving by the house to spy on their beloved childrens. Its time for the day after, when you look at yourself and the stupid things you've done, and say "My, I can do better than that. I can be better than that. I AM BETTER THAN THAT."

I am better than all my hopelessness, my fears, doubts, hate, self-pity, haughtiness, angst, lust, everything. God has made me better than all of that, and in this season of being broke beyond all reason, feeling destitute, wondering what is going to become of me and my future, I must fight on towards what I want. Whether what I want is money, college, or a relationship, God will provide for me if I work hard.

After this Sunday's sermon, I know I can be close to God in my struggles and that oftentimes thats what it takes for people to really learn the heart of God. I know if I start to trust in Him again fully, unashamed, I will be well taken care of. That is fine by me.

I'm going to ATI technical school tomorrow to check out the dental assistant program. Yeahhh, you're probably thinking "WTHBBQ" with that one, but hey, if it doesn't take too long (AKA six months) I would be willing to do that. I think I probably need to move to California within the next couple of years...hm. That'll be interesting.

If that doesn't work out, I've applied for a job at an optometrist's office. That could be entertaining and insightful. Maybe entertaining isn't the right word, haha. But I think I might just go back to Collin withdrawl from DBU and get an AA in music biz, English or art. Most likely it'll be art or English since that's what I've got the most credits for. WOOT. Then I think I'm going to transfer to UNT for Creative Writing with a minor in RTVF (if they have minors in that field?).

Yep. I think thats whats going to happen.

I love radio but its slowly fading away...there are hardly any promo events to work nowadays and frankly its annoying, having to wait so long for paychecks that are miniscule amounts of money.

Mom and I took a walk this morning around the neighborhood, then down Kelly to look at the creek and stuff. It was beautiful. We got to talk about work, and all the jobs she had and how she went to Data Entry college in Wilmington and drove to Kentucky (from Clarksville! OH) to have a job for a couple of weeks. Wow! Now I'm pretty sure I can do whatever I want to do and God will provide where I let Him. Its letting Him take control thats the hard part!

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